A Decade Of Relationships

Or relation-shits, whatever.

I have been this way since late 2001 and my first ever relationship happened when I was mildly 13. It was the night of October 31, year 2001 when I first got introduced to someone 10 years my age. I was brought to a place with mirrors and a much softer bed. Then, I knew, I was not that hard to love… and hurt.

8 years, a decade of falling in love and being hurt. You can’t blame me if I had hurt people in the past myself and that I now possess a bitter heart. I was made to be the jerk people named me as. I was made to be sad, depressed, and alone. The problem is… I let them.

As the first 10 years of the 2000’s is about to come to a close, I would like to thank the people who came into my life and blessed me with love and the lesson it entails.

1. “My Rock Music”

I miss you. In 2007 when I thought I was dying from polyps, you stood by me. You who cook the nicest saved me. Thank you for hating me. Thank you for calling me a poser, well, shit on you for you introduced me to the real world of rock ‘n roll music. I kept telling you I was born to love rock music and you re-educated me on what that was all about and for that, thank you.

Up to this day, all I know is you’ve got to give me everything. Nothing less because you know I’ll give you all of me. I’ll give you everything that I am, I’m handling everything that I’ve got. We’re built to last. You’re my rock music.

2. “The Angel I Have Heard On High”

From your blue eyes, I walked away. We were young and playful. We didn’t know what we were doing, still, we loved each other more than ever for 21 days. You’re one of the two people I have been in a relationship with who captivated me with their writing prowess. Your intelligence is beyond tolerable. Every time I think of Baguio and its trees, I remember you.

3. “Baby Brother”

I know it came of a shock that I was not totally in it at first, but you are who the god we believe in brought to me. You’re the hottest thing and to cap of the year with you is the hardest and most exciting decision I have ever made. I have never been this proud of myself for having you and letting go of you. You allowed me to teach you how to be strong, so carry on. You were born to appreciate far more greater things than what you think you know. I love you and yes, you’ll stay this way forever- the baby boy I loved so much.

4. “The Unforgettable”

For introducing me to the College life, for fighting for me, for choosing me over your friends (at least for a few months there), for the holidays we spent together, for showing your love for me in front of the whole Khan family, for being known by my parents as my true love and being appreciated and accepted by them, for all the sweetest hand-made gifts, for introducing me to your family (and I’m the only one who you did that to), for the heartache, for the forgiveness, for standing by me, for still dating me after four years of break-up, for forcing me to get over you too quickly, for being not liked by some of my best friends because you’re a dick (hehe), for all the nights and the mornings together, for staying under my bed…

…for the times, the love, the hours. Thank you.

5. “The Best Friend”

I owe you a lot. I know I have been hiding under rocks, not showing my face and all. I know you’re getting sick of asking me out already, but, hey. I miss you. In 2003, you were the sweetest heartbreak and look at us, who would have thought that we’d end up dining with my best friends together, walking with us as we try to find a job in early 2008, taking us to the movies, caring about me and us so much. Damn, you’re more than who you were to me. You’re my best friend.

6. “My Cure”

You. Hey, you. I don’t wanna talk about how you became a cure to me. But remember, that year, that month, I thought I was gonna fade away. I knew nothing about what was going on and you introduced me to Gelza. She saved me. You saved me. It’s too much drama to even blog about us, but, the spicy noodles we shared, unforgettable.

To my heartaches in 2002, 2003, how was it like hurting a minor? Making me fall in love with you and letting go of me just.like.that? Look at you all now. Where are you? What do you do? Are you as happy as how you try to be? I miss you, but I try not to. I was a kid who got taken care of and let loose. Thank you.

I’m starting my 2010 single. I’m not going to search, rather, I’m going to wait. I’m pretty excited to know what could be my life’s debut in the new decade.

I’m not someone you would really want to be in a relationship with. But hey, take your chances. Give a nice impression to my friends and folks, especially to my cousins. Because this time, I am going to listen to what they think is good for me. I let myself take control and I crashed. So now, let’s try to figure new things out.

I’m still a boy. I dream big.

I want to be in love, but not yet.

What is love?

I have been in relationships more than 20 times and I don’t know if I have seen (or known) what love is.

As per Summer Finn, “It’s not love, it’s a fantasy.”

I say, Relationships… it’s a cycle. You fall in love and enjoy fancy dates, the next thing you know, you’re suicidal.

Happy New Year!

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~ by ardenkhan on 31/12/2009.

One Response to “A Decade Of Relationships”

  1. Babe! I love you! mwah!

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